Daddy Issues

On December 29, 2019 my life changed…and not for the better. I had just started a new life coaching business a few weeks before and I was frantically trying to get everything set up while also taking on new clients.

I received a call to my business phone and the caller left a voicemail. I still to this day have never listened to that voicemail but the voice transcript gave me the creeps for some reason I didn’t understand. It didn’t say anything alarming and was very brief. The person claimed to want information about Crohn’s disease and wanted to talk to me. I ignored my intuition, which was screaming at me to delete this voicemail and move on with my life, and texted the caller back to set up a free consultation.

They immediately responded and we scheduled a call for the next day. I felt uneasy about the situation but decided that I couldn’t let a strange feeling based on what seemed like nothing keep me from growing my brand new business. I had a rough night’s sleep and blamed it on all the stress of starting a new business.

At the scheduled time, I called this person. Before they even answered I felt sick to my stomach. I did not want to be on that call! Then he answered and I introduced myself. He sounded very upset. He asked me if I knew a person by a certain name and I said, “Yes, that’s my mother.” He began crying and said, “I’m your dad.”

I almost threw up. I couldn’t believe that this was happening. I had gone 33 years not knowing this man or really anything about him. All I knew was that he ghosted my mother when he found out she was pregnant.

I didn’t know what to do. I just wanted to hang up but I also felt so sorry for him. He sounded a mess and based on the things he told me about himself and his life on that call, he is a mess. I didn’t want to tell him things about me but he sounded so desperate that I felt bad. I offered a little bit of information and then tried to end the call.

His desperation was pitiful. He asked me to come visit him in the state where he lives and I told him that I was busy. He told me I could come live with him and I almost laughed at him. Why the fuck would I want to go live with some rando I have no desire to even know at 33 years old?! He told me he loved me and I said, “I don’t know you.”

He kept trying to tell me about his family and for an instant, I thought that maybe it would be nice to have siblings as I grew up an only child. But the more he went on, the more I realized that I just don’t give a shit and I don’t want anything to do with this man or his family. Again I tried to end the call and he desperately tried to secure our next interaction. I again told him I was busy but I would send him a few recent pictures of me. I made the mistake of giving him my personal cell number as I didn’t want all this bullshit on my business phone.

Immediately after hanging up, my phone started blowing up. He sent picture after picture and tried to explain who these people were but I just didn’t care. I sent him a few pictures of me like I said I would and ignored the flood of responses that came after. I didn’t interact with him anymore after that but he kept texting and texting and when I didn’t respond to those he started messaging my social media and website too. The messages were coming in at all times throughout the day and night. Finally after a week of ignoring all these messages, I texted him and told him to STOP! I explained that I wasn’t interested in knowing him or his family and that he certainly isn’t family to me so he needed to leave me alone.

He responded that he would back off and I didn’t hear from him for a few weeks. Then my birthday came and he began messaging again. This time I exploded! I was so full of rage that this fucking dickhole had the nerve to just show up in my life and expect a relationship with me after 33 years and then didn’t respect the fact that I want nothing to do with his ass. I told him off and told him to leave me the fuck alone but he just kept on.

It was obvious during our initial conversation that he had nothing going on in his life (no job, no wife, strained relationships with his adult children) and he was just using me to make himself feel better. That he didn’t actually care what I thought or how I felt about the situation. He made that clear over and over as he just kept demanding a relationship from me. So I blocked him. From my phone numbers, on social media and email. A few hours later, I began receiving so much spam to both my personal and business phones, to my social media, to my emails, and on my website. It got so bad that I had to delete the message form on my website. I felt stalked. I felt like he was virtually stalking me and that feeling hasn’t gone away for two years!

This pathetic piece of shit really had the audacity to hunt me down, lie to gain access to me, act like a baby when I don’t want anything to do with him and then spam me every way he could out of spite! My intuition was right about this motherfucker. Even before I had heard his voice or had an interaction with him. NEVER IGNORE YOUR GUT!

This experience has negatively impacted every aspect of my life. My physical and mental health have suffered. I felt (and still feel) traumatized and furious that this happened to me. That this man used my brand new business and the battle with my life long illness to weasel his way into my life under false pretenses. I felt (and still feel), completely violated, manipulated and disrespected. That this man felt like he could show up out of the blue and demand access to me despite what I said or how I felt.

My business suffered greatly. After this happened I was so paranoid and suspicious of everyone who reached out to me. That doesn’t bode well in a business that requires trust and openness on both sides. So if you have contacted me in the last two years and I was a hostile bitch to you for no reason…sorry! You can’t even imagine the thoughts that have been going through my mind every single day. I also haven’t wanted to put information out about my life or let him see pictures of me so I haven’t shown up on social media like I should have.

My personal relationships also suffered because of this experience. I felt (feel) angry and distrustful towards everyone and I also felt that the few people I told about this weren’t really there for me. Probably because they didn’t know how but I have felt so alone since this happened. After years of working on myself I’m back to not trusting people with my feelings and isolating as a result (which was made worse when the pandemic started soon after).

Until today, maybe 10 people knew about this. I didn’t tell my family. My grandma never wanted him found and I don’t really have a good relationship with my mother. I do have a bit more compassion for her after all this. I always thought she lied about how she got pregnant and what happened to her but it was actually the truth. It doesn’t change how things have gone in our relationship but I do feel sorry for her and what she experienced because of this incredibly selfish man.

As for him, if you’re reading this (and I know you are you fucking stalker), FUCK YOU! Crawl back under whatever rock you slithered out from. You’re dead to me.

Today I take my life back. I’m not going to let this bullshit hold me back anymore. This dark period of my life is over. I have so many amazing things planned for 2022 and I’m looking forward to the future!

If you’re going through a dark period, you aren’t alone. Reach out for help and start moving forward!