This experience has negatively impacted every aspect of my life. My physical and mental health have suffered. I felt (and still feel) traumatized and furious that this happened to me.
It was an incredibly lonely time in a life full of loneliness but it’s also when things really started to turn around for me.
Dr. van der Kolk stated, “The bodies of child-abuse victims are tense and defensive until they find a way to relax and feel safe.” When I started trying to take better care of myself, I decided to get a massage. The first time, and several after to be honest, were not very pleasant or relaxing. I would often still feel just as tense or even more so when it was over. The masseuse would keep saying, “You can relax now,” and I would be so confused because I thought I was relaxed.
A lot of assumptions are hurled at only children. People just assume you’re a spoiled brat who has been handed everything you could ever want in life. They just assume things were calm and peaceful in your household because it was just you and your parents must have been so attentive to your every whim. They assume you’re socially awkward and don’t know how to make friends or interact with people. They assume you’re still spoiled as an adult and have always had a great support system. That was not my experience whatsoever.
You never know when it’s going to be the last time…
Being diagnosed with Crohn’s as a child made life very difficult. Feeling like I had no one to talk to made that struggle so much harder than it needed to be.